All positives

My HCG blood test was positive, with my HCG coming in at 183. My second HCG blood test came back at 382. This is all positive. They are looking for the HCG to double at this early stage, and mine did that.

There is nothing extraordinary about these numbers, that is, they didn't say 'wow that's big, maybe it will be twins'.

Two week wait is officially over, however once you know you are pregnant it is just more weeks of waiting. I am again waiting for the first ultrasound. The ultrasound will confirm if obiwan and obitwo are both still hanging on. Waiting to find out if the pregnancy is viable at this time. Then, if the first ultrasound is good news, it is just more waiting, to find out if the pregnancy will last the next week, 2 weeks and so on.

Thankfully after our last pregnancy loss we sat down with our fertility specialist to discuss what was going on (here's my blog on that). He told us that despite having lost 5 babies in early pregnancy, that we really were just unlucky, versus there being something specific causing the problem. Four of the five pregnancy losses were completely random and could happen to anyone. The fact that they all happened to us is apparently just really bad luck.

Armed with this knowledge, I've created myself a new mantra or two during this pregnancy:

• Short mantra - there is no reason this pregnancy shouldn't work
• Long mantra - millions of other people find out they are pregnant and don't worry about losing it and there is no reason this pregnancy won't be like the ones all those other people have.

I wish I didn't need the mantras, but I do. I am occasionally overwhelmed with it all and not even the mantras help. I've downloaded an anxiety information sheet and read it when I'm feeling really anxious to try and help diffuse the feelings.

There is nothing more I can do about it I guess. I just have to wait it out.

Preparing to feed the test obsession

A week or so ago I decided I would prepare for my upcoming series of home pregnancy testing.

I had lunch with my sister, who happens to be studying pharmacy and enjoys any reason to visit a chemist, so I asked her if she wanted to come with me to carefully study the pregnancy tests and make a selection.

It turns out she needed a real education. She was such a novice. I had to show her to read the packets, looking for those with the earliest detection chance, lowest HCG test. Then she kept picking up packets with one test only - what was she thinking? I explained if the test doesn't come in a 2 or 3 pack, I'm not interested.

After much researching I decided on First Response in stream tests. A 3 pack of course.

Because pregnancy just can't be a straightforward thang for me, on the same day I picked up the tests I noticed a little bit of spotting started. Pinkish.

Now, every other pregnancy this early spotting filled my heart with dread, however this time it was so early, only 6 days after transfer, I felt confident if it was anything, it was implantation bleeding. To me implantation is good news, so I surprising tolerated a little spotting with very little anxiety.

When I got home I told my hubby I was sure I was pregnant, but, that I was certain because I had the little bleeding. I was armed with tests and would start testing tomorrow morning. To my surprise he said, 'why don't you do a test now?'

hmmmm.... Now, I've blogged before about my pregnancy testing rules, one of which is only test for first thing in the morning pee, but here is my husband tempting me to break one. So, within in seconds I was in the bathroom peeing on a stick. I left the stick and went to get changed out of my work gear. A few minutes later I returned to check on the test and found the faintest of faint positive results.

I'm excited by the positive result, but let's face it, it is soooooo early, not even 4 weeks. My husband isn't so excited. He almost immediate slips to worry mode.

Last month when we did transfer and got a negative result he said it was a relief it was over, and we didn't have to go through all the waiting and worrying etc. I told him that I was going to be excited and try to pretend like it was the first time and we don't know about everything going wrong. We have to get a positive to get to a 6 week ultrasound, to get to a first trimester, to get to having a baby! The positive result is the first and necessary step to getting the baby, so I'm smiling about it.

We're back on track to mission take off.